*sigh*

[graafen]

Okay, this week hasn't exactly been the best it could have been, but in reply to sunfirelion's latest post I have to write my side of the story.

He writes that I didn't have enough money for the trip. This is true, but he doesn't mention that I had to sell my Bass Guitar and Amplifier to pay for it. Even though I new I wouldn't be able to do much, I wasn't going to let him down by not being there. I was determined to make a go at this.

He writes that Crimson's flat is a like a college dorm. Funny thing, consider Crimson is a college student... I think the problem here is one of many personality conflicts. sunfirelion is a clean freak. Crimson is not. It's not as if the place is dirty, just untidy (I mean, who would let a fecking £300K place fall into disrepair??).

He writes that he could not leave the flat at anytime, as he did not know the security arrangements. I realise now that I should have informed him of these measures, but not once did he ask about them, or ask if we could take him to the shops, let him out, etc.

He writes that he was wandering around the flat while I played Final Fantasy. On numerous occasions everyone in the flat (including me) asked him if he was okay, if he was having a good time, and if he wanted to do anything. He always answered in the "Yes, I'm okay" and "Not really".

I noticed that the first day he was here that there was a BIG personality and generation conflict, which is why this whole disastor has happened. What 18, 19, 20 year old Brits consider "fun" is not what a 30 something American considers "fun". This is something both me and Sunfire should have noticed before we even organised this.

When I did take him out (which unfortunatly was hindered by problems with my bank account, thank you Halifax) we went for a walk around London. He said he wanted to see Big Ben and London Bridge, so I took him.

When he did offer to order Take Out, I decided not to remind him, because Crimson was cooking a Birthday Meal for afurinwales. Common Courtesy, yes?
The next day, he offered to take us out. I said "Great!" feeling as though the week might take a better turn. He never mentioned it again. Maybe he had forgotten or was waiting for me to say something else, but when someone offers me something I don't talk about it for fear of sounding like I'm ungrateful.

As for the Britta Filter thing, I feel quite annoyed. I don't know what American tap water is like, but you hardly need Britta Filters for UK water.

If he was feeling so bad, then why have I had to find out about all these problems from his Livejournal, mIRC logs, and from my mate? Why had he told us, what are now, obvious lies about how he was feeling? If he was so bored why did it take more than once to grab his attention when talking to him?

I was asleep when he went for his walk. When I couldn't find him in the flat, I got very very scared. And when afurinwales told me that sunfirelion had gone for a walk, and was only answering to "Tempest" I got very worried. I had no means of contacting him and he was alone. This was a nightmare for me. I had lost someone I was looking after.
When he came back, I expressed my discomfort for him disappearing so quickly, but I was glad he was back.

I feel like abouslute fucking shit now. Why? Because sunfirelion and I didn't comunicate properly. Because of the major personality conflicts.

I consider him a friend, and assumed that he would tell me if anything was wrong, as is normally the case with my friends.

Never again will I organise something like this. I've proven that I can't predict how personalities will react to one another outside of the digital realm. I thought I could, but I can't.

In short, we are both to blame for this whole fiasco. Both sunfirelion and I are guilty of causing each other pain. If I had known I was dealing with such an emotionally unstable fur, who is prone to waking people with bread knives over their heads, with phrases like "Wouldn't it be strange if this dropped onto your face", I would not have done this.

I, unlike Sunfire, am leaving this post open for comments. I know mine and his post will spark many conversations and possibly even flame wars, but that's what I get for trying to show someone a good time.

---UPDATE---

Okay now I'm really worried. During the last 30 minutes, sunfirelion has disappeared. I've just been running around the complex screaming his name at the top of my lungs, and I couldn't find him. I've just got back only to be told by Crimson and Nanaki that they saw sunfirelion outside the laundry room, with his bags. Sunfire exclaimed "Your laundry is done" to Crimson, and then disappeared.

From the looks of it, Sunfire is mentally unstable. I just hope to god that he gets back home OK. London is so big that there's nothing I can do now except pray for sunfirelion's safety.

I hate my life >.

Comments

[ralesk.livejournal.com]

   *squeaks your material*  I think I can agree with you ^^

[tropism.livejournal.com]

I've followed this since I first heard of it, and, from what I've seen, I've got to say that I concur with Kaijima. I've had to deal with the "Oh, no, everything's okay" people before -- I bloody hate it. You never find out what's wrong -- or that there's something wrong -- until long after it's past the chance to correct it.

It's not your fault if the person won't make their opinion known to you.

[toraneko.livejournal.com]

ummm...This is a pretty common manipulator move. Trying to blame everyone but themselves for their woes. I know it hurts, but it really isn't YOUR responsibility for someone else's happiness. Your friend should have spoke up and since he didn't it's no one's fault but his. His comments about Chairo were petty and unecessary and I think a good indicator of a level of immaturity. I read through a few other posts and I was struck by comments like he's been in a shell in NJ and spent a lot of time on his own. I wonder why he expected to go to a new place and everything would be different? Maybe that's the root of the problem, too many expectations on other people without wanting to put any effort in himself. It has to be a two way street.


I hope you two can work it out and maybe some good will come out of it if your friend realizes t hat he needs to speak up and quite waiting for everything to happen to him.

[mikecoyote.livejournal.com]

dont blame your self. its up to the guest to let the host know what his needs and wants are.ifthe guest cant or wont do that he has no one to blame but himself. also, many furs ARE emotionaly unstable, not all of them are, and not all ofthem are that bad even. but many of them are somewhat kooky. so you probably cant even blame him for doing what he did. I doubt he did it out of malice, or anything like that. this is how he lives his real world life. its hte biggest problem, teranslating OL to RL. thats why I dont hang around OL very much, its no way to make a friend *hugs* feel better though, you did everything you could.

[avon-deer.livejournal.com]

Best to just leave him to walk around and cool off for a bit, Thalyi. I am sure he will be back. Worrying will not help.

On a completely different note...

[gblackmore.livejournal.com]

I'd be happy to sell u my bass guitar and amp as i dont use it anymore, its a Sammick Artiste Series 4 String, and a Fender Bassman 15 watt amp... make me an offer if u like :)